Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Just invented taco cereal.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
