Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
