You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize