and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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