We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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