Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
