I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
