Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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