i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
