Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
