i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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