That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
