How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
my shit smells like andre
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize