Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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