life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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