Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
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