i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
