I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
it's like iHOP with fire
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
