I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
