I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
