arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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