I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
