Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
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