I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize