worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You need Xanax blowdarts
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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