shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
