I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
