U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
