Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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