I don't usually arrange sex via text message
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
He shit in the fireplace
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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