The best revenge is premature balding
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
