Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(512): View more from Texas

I pooped in a mop bucket.

(1-512): View more from Texas

WTF???

(512): View more from Texas

Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that

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(480): View more from Arizona

I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same

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(415): View more from California

The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.

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(239): View more from Florida

Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?

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(917): View more from New York City

i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.

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(828): View more from North Carolina

Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.

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(585): View more from New York

When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.

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(573): View more from Missouri

He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.

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