I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
