R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
