she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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