I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
