i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Why can't burritos get me drunk
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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