Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
