oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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