I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I stole a fireplace last night.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Randomize
