Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
