it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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