His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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