Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(785): View more from Kansas

I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.

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(480): View more from Arizona

There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.

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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.

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(480): View more from Arizona

He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.

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