I want to walk on stilts...naked
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
