Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
