So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
