You work out of a Hotel?
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
