I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Randomize
