I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
