Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
