He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
