when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Randomize
