I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
