Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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