This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
