Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
