If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i came on her dog
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
