Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
