what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
