new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
