I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
