Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
