we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
