Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
