Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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