Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
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