Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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